Butter Season

Ugh.

Well, I'm back. I'm bloated and tired and full of cholesterol, but I'm back. And like most Americans, I'm forced to begin exploring the extent of the damage I did to my life, bank account and waistline during the Holidays- or as I like to call it, Butter Season.

There is just no explaining why we go so overboard during the holidays. Why I eat things I don't even like, why I make myself sick and then continue the same pattern anyway. I guess it's because the excesses of the season serve to distract us from everything frustrating, painful or boring about our everyday lives. The rules don't apply during Butter Season and we can do anything we like- life is one big party and no one is judging because they're in line right behind you at the buffet.

Last year I was pregnant during the Holiday season and so I actually didn't partake in the excess of the season- didn't overeat, didn't eat junk (this was months 3 and 4 of my pregnancy, when I was still obsessive about a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby), and obviously didn't drink. I went to bed early, took naps, and generally paid more attention to my health than I ever have during Butter Season. This year? Not so much.

And now here I am, 2 or 3 pounds up (I think) wondering why I did it to myself again and acknowledging, as I always do, that it really wasn't worth it. Most of the junk that I ate really wasn't that good- it was just junk, and I ate it because it was there and because everyone else was doing the same. I ate it because I was off the leash, because I "could". Well news flash, Al, you always "can". You can do whatever you like. So why not make the reasonable choices that really bring happiness, rather than excessive ones that only bring the illusion of happiness, followed by frustration and remorse?

Anyway the point of this post is that it's time to really take inventory of how I feel, how I look, how strong I am, and to make some choices about how I'm going to live in 2009. I can't undo 2008. I can only learn. Sure, I often feel like I'm repeating the same lesson over and over again, but I like to think that I'm becoming a bit smarter each time, learning more with the passage of every season and every pat of butter. So what do I know for sure about the season I'm in now- the season of change?

I know I want to stop swinging back and forth between extremes- skinny and starving, chubby and bloated- and that I want to put my focus on feeling great and really being well, rather than the tag on my jeans. I want to feel good in my own skin and love who I am, and make changes from a place of self love, rather than self hatred. I know that much.

So here I am. It's a new year, and the goals I set for myself when I began this blog are fresh in my mind once again. I'm ready to change my life- or, more accurately, to continue making the changes I began a long while ago. I was in college when I decided that I needed to do more to keep myself healthy and fit, and that's when I started working out, drinking water and eating plenty of green vegetables. I've learned a lot since then.

Let the journey continue.